Current Affairs
Prince Andrew Denies Doing Nothing Wrong for an Entire Week
In a surprising twist, Prince Andrew has issued a statement firmly denying rumours that he went an entire week in late November without engaging in any form of sexual or financial wrongdoing. Baseless Claims The Duke, known for his unwavering commitment to controversy, was adamant: “I categorically deny these baseless claims. I am confident that during that period, I was involved in something—whether it was a dodgy deal, an inapprop...
Is English Football’s Pursuit of Perfection Killing the Spectacle?
English football has come a long way since the days of mud baths, life-threatening terraces, and defenders who treated flair players like they needed to be decapitated by a ‘reducer’. Today, the pitches are pristine, the stadiums are palatial, and the game is safer than ever. Progress has undeniably been made—but has something been lost along the way? In the relentless pursuit of results, could we be strangling the chaos and drama that ...
Vicar Suspended for Lack of Wrongdoing
Church of England demands proof of moral failings. The Church of England has taken the unusual step of suspending the Reverend Clive Gubbins, vicar of St. Effluvia’s in the sleepy village of Wallop-in -the-Mire, following his increasingly desperate insistence that he is not innocent of historical misdeeds. Village Speaks Out Rev. Gubbins, a mild-mannered man with a fondness for tea cosies and jam-making competitions, has been accused ...
Stormy Britain: How Global Warming is Giving the Weather a Personality Disorder
We all love the British weather. One minute it’s drizzling, the next it’s drenching, and now it’s starting to get outright dangerous with red alerts. Thanks to global warming, it seems our weather has gone from “mildly inconvenient” to “seriously unhinged.” Bigger storms, heavier rain, and stronger winds are becoming the norm. Maybe it is time to accept that the UK’s climate is throwing a full-blown tantrum—and start figuring ...
The Covid Scandal: A Tale of Two Appointments
Sometimes politics is so ironic, it feels like satire. This week, Chancellor Rachel Reeves announced a new Covid corruption commissioner to investigate £7.6bn in dodgy and fraudulent contracts. Meanwhile, Prime Minister Keir Starmer promoted Chris Wormald, who ran the Department of Health and Social Care (DHSC) during the time those contracts were awarded, to the top job in the civil service. A Truly Jaw-Dropping Juxtaposition As ITV’s ...