It’s comforting to think that here in the UK, we are a bit more sensible than our friends across the Atlantic. After all, we don’t elect spray-tanned game show hosts to run the country (we prefer our Etonian buffoons with a touch of classical education). We don’t have gun-wielding lunatics storming Parliament (we just let them Tweet their grievances in block capitals). And we certainly don’t go in for the cultish adoration of wannabe dictators.

Well, most of us don’t.

Yes, despite the fact that Donald Trump is a walking scandal held together by hairspray and spite, and Vladimir Putin is, well, an actual war criminal, a baffling minority of Brits have decided that these two chaps are just what the world needs. If you have ever stumbled into the darker corners of Facebook or X (formerly Twitter, now Elon’s playground for fragile egos), you’ll have seen them in action—patriotic avatars, misspelled rants, and an unshakable belief that they alone see the truth.

The University of Life Alumni Association

Who are these brain boxes, you ask? Well, judging by their social media bios, they all attended the esteemed School of Hard Knocks or graduated with honours from the University of Life. Presumably, these institutions don’t cover basic critical thinking but do offer advanced degrees in “common sense”, and “saying it like it is” which, funnily enough, never seems to align with reality.

Their political journey has been a fascinating one. They were once staunch Tory supporters—until the party committed the ultimate betrayal: having a brown leader. That was a bridge too far. And so, they flocked to Reform UK, where they could truly thrive among like-minded freethinkers (by which we mean: people who all think exactly the same thing).

And while they once worshipped Boris Johnson—the floppy-haired, bumbling, Latin-spouting beacon of Brexit—they now find themselves in a curious predicament. Johnson, you see, was a huge supporter of Ukraine’s resistance against Russia. Awkward. But not to worry! Thanks to the magic of right-wing mental gymnastics, Zelenskyy is now the real dictator, and Trump’s idea of letting Putin steamroll his way across Europe is simply good business sense.

Watching the Thick and the Shameless

It would all be quite amusing if it were not so depressingly dangerous. Watching these halfwits fumble through geopolitics like a drunk trying to unlock the wrong car is, admittedly, good entertainment. But the problem is, they’re not just background comedy characters—they are shaping the future.

Because as history has repeatedly shown, democracy is only as strong as its dumbest and laziest voters. And here we are again, being led to the edge of the abyss by people who get their news from GB News and “do their own research” (translation: YouTube).

Mocking America

We mock the average American voter, rolling our eyes at their willingness to buy into Trump’s nonsense. But let us not get too smug. The UK isn’t exactly setting a high bar these days. It’s all well and good laughing at the absurdity of it all, but the reality is that if enough sensible people remain disengaged, someone as (or slightly more) wildly charismatic than Nigel Farage could end up in Number 10.

The question is, will another four years of Trump finally wake us up? Or are we too far gone?

At this rate, we might find ourselves longing for the days when Boris was just lying about parties and not, say, threatening to suspend elections because “the people demand it.”