The Met Office is gearing up for three days of relentless inane Facebook posts as a chilly northerly airflow sweeps across the UK.

Get Over It

Overnight, autumn snow dusted much of the country, quickly followed by a flurry of “It’s winter, get over it” posts as men of a certain demographic rushed to showcase their unparalleled grit. The digital weather map is already lighting up with patches of “It’s called winter” and “So much for global warming” expected to spread nationwide, putting forecasters like Channel 4’s Liam Dutton on high alert for a full-scale gammon storm.

The Met Office has also issued a yellow warning for up to 36 hours of “It snowed all the time when I was a kid, never did me any harm” with occasional bursts of “I remember the winter of ’63—we didn’t even have central heating, and we were fine”. Social media platforms are bracing for localised spikes of “It’s chemtrails, do your research” even at lower levels (of education).

It’s Called Winter

A Met Office spokesperson assured the public that, while the “It’s called winter” commentary has arrived earlier than usual this year, their block and delete buttons are fully operational.

“We typically see the gammon avalanche with frost and fog in mid-December, but we’ve been monitoring early signs of an onslaught since last week,” they said. “Nearly all European weather models correctly predicted the spread of ‘We still went to school back then’ nonsense, starting last night.”

While the barrage of tedious observations is likely to ease by the weekend, there are early indicators of “It’s called rain, get a coat” memes rolling in by Saturday, with potential for scattered “Umbrellas are for girls” outbreaks by Sunday.