Farmers and Followers Flock to Hear Familiar Faces

The annual British Grifting Conference took place in London yesterday, with organisers thrilled at the impressive turnout. While a few members of the general public made an appearance, the event was dominated by several thousand farmers eager to hear speeches from the country’s top grifters.

Veteran figures such as Katie Hopkins, Richard Tice, Lee Anderson, and Nigel Farage took to the stage, delivering rambling platitudes about “supporting farmers”—despite their roles in championing the Brexit deal that has wreaked havoc on the agricultural sector.

Badenoch and Clarkson Steal the Spotlight

Tory leader Kemi Badenoch also joined the lineup, enthusiastically defending deregulation and her government’s economic policies. Although critics pointed out that such policies have been catastrophic for British farmers, her speech was met with cheers by an audience seemingly unfazed by irony.

The highlight of the day, however, was undoubtedly Jeremy Clarkson. The self-proclaimed farmer and TV personality bumbled through an incoherent interview with Victoria Derbyshire, to the delight of his fans. His performance was met with roaring approval from red-faced men in Land Rovers, cementing his status as Britain’s top grifter.

Next Stop: Cayman Islands

As the day came to a close, organisers announced that next year’s British Grifting Conference would be held in the Cayman Islands. The theme? “The Shocking Plan to Make Millionaires Pay Tax”—a topic likely to ensure another enthusiastic turnout from the grifting community.