The Great Hamper Incident

Many years ago (about 30, but who’s counting?), I worked for a company that seemed to have a bottomless budget for football tickets and corporate gifts. One particular client was Devon County Council, and I was tasked with delivering a Christmas hamper to a contact there. Easy job, eh? Wrong.

The guy reacted as if I’d just tried to smuggle a crate of AK-47s into his office. He practically threw the hamper back at me, telling me to put it in the boot and be on my way. The message was clear: “No bribes, no bungs, and take your festive hamper with you!”

I was mortified. In fact, I was so embarrassed that I spent the entire drive home making caveman noises— a symphony of grunts and groans. That little exercise in corporate gifting cost us a good client, but to be fair to the bloke, he had principles. He wasn’t about to be seen indulging in any shady deals, and anyone who tried? Well, they were swiftly shown the door. Fair play, really.

Free Lunches? As If!

Since then, I’ve watched people buttering up suppliers with orders they don’t need just to bag some tickets to a football match, cricket game, or rugby event. It leaves me scratching my head, wondering what on earth it’s all about. There’s a reason they say, “There’s no such thing as a free lunch”— it’s because there isn’t!

If I shelled out £10,000 of my turnover to wine and dine clients at football matches, I’d need to make that money back somehow. So, I don’t bother. Simple as that.

Yes, I’ve lost a few clients along the way, but the ones I do keep know exactly where they stand. No murky favours, no grey areas— just straight-up, black-and-white business. Well, except for that one time I sent a client a box of Belgian beer. That was a genuine “thank you” for recommending me to a competitor of his who gave me a load of work. Even then, I was a bit twitchy about it, but thankfully it was well-received.

Starmer, Rayner, and the Great Gift Gaffe

Which brings me to Keir Starmer and Angela Rayner. What on earth were they doing accepting gifts from party donors? It just doesn’t look good— especially when you’ve spent the last few years painting the previous government as corrupt.

Even if it was all innocent, just the appearance of accepting freebies makes them look like they’ve got the judgement of a half-blind mole. Surely, someone on their team should have said, “Hold up, the right-wing press will have a field day with this, let’s not indulge!”

Double Standards?

What I do find odd is how it’s suddenly scandalous for the Labour Party to accept even a pair of glasses as a gift, but when Boris Johnson was getting donations for his wedding, his flat, and free holidays at a donor’s villa, that was somehow fine and dandy. Is it just that we’ve come to accept the Tories are openly corrupt? Like, “Oh, it’s just Boris being Boris”?

The Bottom Line: Don’t Do It!

Labour would do well to learn from this minor mess and steer clear of freebies altogether before it haunts them again. No one gives you something for nothing. There’s always a catch, a favour, or a bit of business expected in return. If I handed a client tickets to the Cup Final and got no business out of it, I’d be fuming.

That’s how it works, and it’s a bit embarrassing that Labour MPs have fallen into the trap, no matter how small the gift. It just looks bad.