A Day at the Hospital: Heart Check-ups and Starmer’s NHS Sermon 

So, the other day, I took my dad to Southampton Hospital for a routine heart check-up. Casual stuff for him at 92? On the way there, good ol’ Keir Starmer was delivering one of his riveting speeches, this time on the NHS. I mean, nothing screams excitement like a political rant on healthcare during a family outing to the hospital. He threw out this catchy phrase about fixing the plumbing before turning the taps back on – poetic, really. Then there was something about sticking plasters and the Tories, hoping we will ‘learn by rote’.

But hang on, the part about NHS staffing agencies? Now that was the kind of brutal truth you don’t usually hear unless you are deep diving into fringe news outlets like The Byline Times. Starmer nailed it: agencies have been making an absolute killing off the NHS. Yeah, we need them for emergencies, but now they are everywhere. It is like trying to find a corner in a round room without bumping into Serco.

Serco: The Unsinkable Titanic of Government Contracts 

Speaking of Serco – You can’t swing a stethoscope in a hospital without hitting one of their staff. If there’s a government disaster somewhere, Serco’s name is probably plastered all over it. NHS, immigration, electronic tagging… you name it. And Serco will tell you they’re here to “help” fix these problems. How convenient.

If you’re into conspiracy theories (who isn’t these days?), you might think Serco and their pals are actually in the business of creating problems. More problems, more contracts, more cash. Easy money. Surely not?

Now, you’d think a company swimming in this much public cash would be, I don’t know, half-decent at their job. But no, in 2019, Serco was caught red-handed committing “quite deliberate fraud” against the Ministry of Justice. £68.5 million in overcharges? Pocket change! They also got slapped with a £19.2 million fine for false accounting and had to pay £3.7 million in legal costs. Guess what? They still kept their contracts. Talk about a Teflon company.

Yarl’s Wood, Housing Hell, and More Tales of Serco Incompetence 

Oh, and let’s not forget about the little scandal at Yarl’s Wood Detention Centre in 2013. You know, the one where they were accused of covering up sexual abuse. Fast forward a year, and they’re using immigrant detainees as cheap labour, paying them a whole £1 an hour. But no biggie, because the government still handed them a shiny new £70 million contract to keep running the place. Must be nice.

Then there’s Serco’s glorious handling of housing for asylum seekers. In Glasgow, they tried to boot people out before their appeal processes were even over. Over in Derby, they were serving up “squalid” living conditions that had the city council scrambling for an urgent inspection. The Home Office has fined Serco nearly £7 million since 2013, but hey, they still have the contracts. Get in there.

And let’s not forget Cornwall in this little but justified rant. They managed to give the NHS false data 252 times and left the county without enough doctors. But why bother with details when you’re raking in contracts left, right, and centre?

Outsourcing: The Real Disease Killing the NHS 

So, yeah. Serco’s record is… let’s say less than stellar, but they keep winning contracts like it’s a rigged game. Meanwhile, Starmer’s right about one thing: the NHS is on life support, and outsourcing is one of the reasons why. I don’t have a smoking gun or a dossier ready for court, but wherever there’s a public service disaster, Serco are all over it.

Either the NHS can’t be bothered to manage its own staff and just outsources everything because it’s easier, or the whole public sector is starting to make the Italian Mafia look like a bunch of amateurs. I mean, which is it? Perhaps a perfect storm of both laziness and corruption.

Serco: Heroes in Disguise?

But, hey, maybe Serco are the good guys. Maybe they’re the superheroes we never knew we needed, swooping in to save us all. After all, didn’t they save the world with their top-notch Covid Test & Trace system, led by the ever-capable Dido Harding? You know, the wife of Tory MP John Penrose, who just happened to be the government’s “Anti-Corruption Champion.” I’m not making this up, I swear! It’s almost like they made corruption so obvious, no one would ever believe it. Genius, really.

And Finally… Gary Lineker 

But enough about that. The real issue keeping me awake at night? Gary Lineker’s salary. Honestly, every time I watch Match of the Day and see his smug face, I’m this close to kicking in my TV and sending the BBC the bill.