In a bombshell revelation shaking the foundations of British politics, it has emerged that Labour stalwart, Angela Rayner, committed a checkout faux 15 years ago at a Tesco store in Lancashire. The long-buried incident, now brought to light, details how Rayner, then a humble shopper, brazenly attempted to slide through ELEVEN items at a “ten items or less” checkout lane.

Linda McCartney Pie

Shockingly the extra item was a solitary Linda McCartney vegetarian pie. It appears so called veggie do gooders are okay with using the express lane! Witnesses, still reeling from the shock all these years later, recall the scene as if it were yesterday. “It was madness”, one onlooker reminisced. “I couldn’t believe my eyes! Eleven items, including a pie, in the express lane? It’s more or less anarchy!”

Rayner, now a prominent figure in British politics, once again finds herself embroiled in a scandal from her past that could shatter Keir Starmer’s leadership ambitions. When pressed for comment, she dismissed the allegations as “ancient history” and insisted that she had no recollection of the incident.

She Can’t Be Trusted

But the people demand answers! Can a politician who flouts checkout rules be trusted to govern? Has Rayner truly repented for her grocery sins of yesteryear? It appears she is in denial. Only time will tell as this checkout catastrophe takes centre stage once again, reminding us all that even a small pie can leave a lasting stain on one’s reputation. Especially if it’s a working class woman with a fiery temper.

Tory Chancellor, good old honest, traditional conservative, Jeremy ‘Seven Flats’ Hunt, said he was “utterly appalled” by Rayner’s behaviour, fearing that it “undermined integrity” in British politics. Meanwhile, Keir Starmer brushed off the allegations by making the following statement after being quizzed at CBI business conference.

”Look…my mother was a nurse…my father a toolmaker. We had a pebble dashed house…we lived like common people like you, we smoked some fags and played some pool, pretended we never went to school …so I…of all people…know what it’s like to sneak through eleven items at a checkout. But I’m also a lawyer, so I also know…it’s just wrong”.

Journalists at the press conference were then woken up and offered double-espressos.