If nothing else, by employing David Cameron, Rishi Sunak got the embarrassment of ever employing Suella Braverman out of the headlines. Could it be that the man who allegedly fucked the head of a pig, is being used as a dead cat? It’s more likely that, whilst it was a handy distraction, Sunak thinks Cameron is useful.

It depends, I suppose, what is regarded as useful. If you were to compare Cameron to the outgoing Suella Braverman, I guess he is. When stood next to Therese Coffey (she got resigned today) who is both useless and a horrible piece of work, Cameron would also appear pretty handy. It’s a bit like putting a can of tinned luncheon meat next to a dog turd. Anyone starving would eat the luncheon meat. They might not like it but it’s preferable to a dog turd.

From Nice Etonian Chap to Dodgy Dave

When Cameron first came to prominence the persona he tried to pervade was one of common decency. He presented himself to a country with a tendency to be conservative with a small ‘c’ as a liberal conservative. He was smart and well spoken, carrying all the confidence of a privileged education. Cameron fitted nicely into middle England as a modern thinking conservative.

Then, after 5 years in a coalition, his desperation for an outright majority left him pandering to the party crackpots. These were people who would only support him if he called a referendum on EU Membership. He promptly fell into the trap set for him by the Eurosceptic crooks and crackpots. Such was his Etonian confidence and arrogance, Cameron, a fervent Remainer, was confident of a 60/40 victory.

Metaphorical Custard Pie and Brexit Disaster

To see a smart arsed Tory get a metaphorical custard pie in face, is normally a pleasure. Not this time, it wasn’t. The moment a power hungry and charismatic Boris Johnson predictably changed allegiance, Cameron was fucked. The Leave campaign gained momentum by going hard (often illegally) for the undecided/uneducated vote, whilst the Remainers lazily preached to the converted.

The Leave vote meant Cameron was finished as PM. To plagiarise Paul Weller, the boy from Eton loaded his guns, ran off home for his tea, and left Britain standing like a naughty schoolboy. I’m no Max Hastings but I predicted almost year on year, what would follow. A chaotic, catastrophic lurch to the right as impulsive, populist policies blew up in Britain’s face. The knifing of a conciliatory, yet useless Theresa May didn’t take long. Then it was the rise and fall of the hapless, devious, Machiavellian cretin of man, Boris Johnson. His chaotic reign was predicted by anyone who had the misfortune of working with him, or marrying him.

Greensill Greed

It appeared that any prospect or desire for Cameron to make return to frontline politics was over. This became particularly evident when it emerged that he was being paid around £1 million a year (for 25 days work ) by factoring and financing company Greensill. It was alleged he was projected to earn £60 million in shares if he could lobby Matt Hancock on their behalf. Covid loans were the target.

Whilst this wasn’t illegal, it didn’t look like the actions of a loyal public servant. A former PM lobbying the health minister for contracts that would use public money looks seedy. That’s because it is. Cameron became increasingly known as ‘Dodgy Dave’. He wasn’t helped by the fact that his father was named in the ‘Panama Papers’ as a tax dodger. What made his image worse, was his defiance. For Cameron and his circle, this sort of behaviour is perfectly reasonable. To his enemies it was evident that in Cameron’s world, public funds are there for the elite to plunder. Taxes are for the masses.

How it Ends

It is worth remembering that Cameron is not an MP. That means that Sunak trusts someone without a seat in the commons more than his 350 MPs. When you see the talent Sunak has at his disposal, it’s understandable. It’s not entirely his fault either. Most sensible Tory MPs were either purged or ran to the hills when they saw a bumbling, halfwitted bullshitter, coming over the hill in his Union Jack shorts (Let’s not get on to Truss, it’s too much to deal with in one post).

it’s a desperate move. Of course, anyone with an ounce of sanity should be relieved the likes of Hancock, Patel, Braverman, Coffey, Truss, Kwarteng, Dorries, and of course, Johnson, are gone. However, to bring back Cameron, the man who landed us with Brexit and tried to make a killing out of Covid, doesn’t look clever. Gambling on Cameron carries all the logic of sticking a grand on a Blackpool Donkey to win the Epsom Derby.

Maybe Sunak is hoping that voters have short memories?