I don’t know much about typhoon jets, so I am not going to pretend I do. What I do know is that they are highly advanced multi-purpose jets and pretty awesome to look at. Here’s what the RAF say about them. I have copied and pasted this from their website as I assume the RAF know a thing or two about jets.

Bellicose Bluster

So, when I heard one journalist describe Boris Johnson talking of supplying 100 supplying jets to Ukraine as ‘bellicose bluster’, it got me thinking about these awesome flying machines. It can’t just be like handing someone the keys to your car and saying, “crack on mate, remember it has cruise control if you are on the motorway”, can it?

It turns out, a lot of other people were thinking the same thing. So, let’s look past all the populist bluster from backbench politicians, shall we. This is what it would take for Typhoon Jets to have an impact during Ukraine’s efforts to defend itself from Russia. I heard this from a former security minister and an ex-typhoon pilot. One on TV last night and the other on the radio this morning.

Intensive Training

To teach someone to fly a typhoon from scratch, would take four years of intensive training. The plus side, is that there would be plenty of volunteers. Ukraine is a big place and there are a lot of people willing to defend their nation. The downside would be that going straight into combat after four years of training, would hardly make a pilot ‘Top Gun’. It is also a case that four years would be too late, they are needed before a Russian spring offensive.

The other option would be to train existing Ukrainian pilots. These guys, it is assumed, would most likely have been trained to fly Russian MiG jets. I will emphasise that I am not an expert on MiG jets either, but the two people I referred to earlier, certainly are. The security chap said it would take at least a year to make the adjustments. The pilot said six months was possible. Tellingly, she was a female typhoon pilot, which might indicate the difference between men and women when it comes to learning instructions.

The chap on the TV last night, suggested it might be easier to ditch the idea of typhoons. Instead, the US could train Ukrainian fighters with US F16’s. I can’t remember why, but an uneducated guess is that the F16 is more like the MiG than the typhoon. I got the impression that giving a MiG pilot the keys to a Typhoon and telling them to crack on, is unrealistic. It would be like giving me the keys to an Eddie Stobart truck and asking me to do a City of London multi-drop the next day.

Maintenance and Repair

It gets even more unrealistic when you consider that the maintenance and repair teams on these planes are also highly skilled. These incredibly complex jets don’t get by on an annual MOT and 36,000 miles maintenance package. They are constantly being worked on between flights by very intelligent people who have gone through an in-depth training programme.

With the attack on Ukraine taking place right here, right now, that leaves one other alternative. Allies such as the UK, flying the jets themselves. It is at that moment when history (if there is a planet left) will state that the proxy war ended and an East v West war, started. No one knows how that will end, because no one quite knows how mad Putin and his generals are.

On a spectrum, it would be more than likely heading towards the end that says, ‘INSANE’.  That’s why I get nervous about populist bluster and grandstanding from the likes of Boris Johnson. There may be a time and a place for the choreographed buffoon to fuck about promoting himself. In my opinion, poking a bear with a nuclear arsenal, isn’t it.

Worrying times.