The BBC have announced the sacking of long time BBC Breakfast weather presenter Carol Kirkwood.

Kirkwood, 58, has allegedly been sacked for calling a small boy ‘a cheeky wee monkey’ after he asked for an autograph. It has also been alleged that she once said good morning to Independent MP, Heidi Allen.

Because of the racial connotations of her remarks to the child and sinister links to Heidi Allen, the BBC said they had no choice. Adhering to their ‘pandering to populists’ policy is something the BBC take seriously. This has been reflected by the employment of Kirkwood’s replacement, Nigel Farage.

Farage, the New Face of the Weather

Farage has no experience of weather forecasting. However, he is a climate change denier and is good at pointing and blowing hot air. As a regular on just about every fucking show the BBC broadcasts, he also has the experience of the BBC’s inner workings.

Meanwhile, the BBC have told Hat Trick Productions that their Friday slot for ‘Have I Got news For You’ will be reinstated. However, only on the basis Farage can present it every week.

If an agreement can’t be made, the BBC has pledged to punish its viewers by showing ‘Mrs Browns Boys’ every week instead.

Kirkwood has apologised, saying that she meant ‘cheeky wee monkey’ as a term of endearment to an audacious young man. However, the BBC have announced that this was not how it was perceived.

Lineker and the Salmon Remark

It has been a tough week for the BBC. They are also investigating BBC Match of the Day presenter, Gary Lineker, after he described a footballer player as ‘leaping like a salmon’. The BBC are concerned that Lineker’s remarks may have been a personal dig at hapless Transport Secretary, Chris Grayling.

The grayling swims in the same chalk streams as the salmon. Some have suggested Linker was implying that a salmon can leap higher than a grayling is against BBC impartiality rules.

SNP leader, Nicola Sturgeon, was unavailable for comment.