We all like a bit of Boris, he’s so funny. What with getting stuck on trapezes, falling of his bike and leaving a British citizen stranded in an Iranian prison, he is always up for a laugh.

Two years after it was eventually shelved as some sort of Boris fantasy project, the final bill has arrived for the London Garden Bridge. It’s a right old hoot reading the figures, with the final cost to the taxpayer just £43 million quid. For goodness sake, Chris Grayling could have bought three ferry firms without any ferries for that!

To make it even funnier, some of the people clearing up Johnson’s mess, are claiming £43 million is something of a success. This is because it could have been £60 million if they had not been so diligent. This utter farce would have been ridiculous in prosperous times but it was in the middle of imposed austerity. Austerity that only ended when Theresa May discovered the DUP were suddenly King (or should I say Queen?) Makers.

The Cost

Here are the figures that have been released this week; I am sure you will all be pissing yourself laughing by the time you have finished. Remember to put your corsets on.

£2.16m – Consultancy

£2.3m – Legal costs

£1.8m – Executive Pay

£148k – Computer Images

£160k – Website

£418k Gal event to raise private funds

£2.7m – Architect

£1.3m – Marine Search

£11.27m – Engineering costs

£21.4m – Contractors (the builder)

TfL (Transport for London) are now handing back a further £5.5 million to private investors who had ‘refund’ written into their agreements if the bridge did not go ahead.

These included (I am not making this up) a couple who had paid £3500 to have a game of table tennis with Boris Johnson. I don’t feel sorry for them; if you pay £3500 for a game of table tennis with Bojo, you are clearly a 24 carat cretin.

He should be Prime the Minister really, we are a laughing stock anyway, so we might as well carry off with the biggest buffoon of them all.

Boris for PM!