Hi Kit,

hope things are going well your end. I still haven’t heard from you about my ferry and balloons ventures? I have to presume they are dead in the water, or should I say English Channel?

I have read that the £110 million set aside for ‘No Deal’ ferries has now been fully allocated to freight companies. With that in mind, I presume that there will be a rebate back to the tax payer in the event of a Brexit deal? This especially applies to the company with no ferries and a T&C’s copied from a takeaway menu. I will keep an eye out.

Anyway, there was something in the news this week about Conservative MP’s getting paid by party donors, JCB, for speeches and business advice. I couldn’t quite understand it as in this time of facts being intertwined with fake news, what are you supposed to believe?

So, as a man in the know, and a respected local MP, I thought I would ask you the following question.

Why is David Davis getting paid £3k an hour by JCB?

I have read through the details of his career and I can’t find anything about an interest in the digger business, although he did do rather well at Tate & Lyle for 17 years and served in the Territorial Army.

On an interesting and historical note, did you know that he was brought up by his grandparents? His maternal grandfather was disinherited by his family (a wealthy trawler empire) for becoming a socialist/communist and leading a hunger march to London. Who’d have thought it?

Anyway, I digress; let’s go back to my question. Can you tell me, with insider knowledge, what David Davis is doing for this money? Also, do you think that serving MP’s should be paid such vast sums of money on top of their MP’s salary?

I say this because I had a conversation with my 86 year-old dad yesterday. He was a government scientist at the AWE, a place you should know well. We discussed what would have happened to him if he had been paid to do private work for a nuclear power station when he should have been concentrating on the research and development of nuclear weapons. He would have been sacked in disgrace.

Call me old fashioned but I don’t believe that someone getting paid tax payers money should be able to pocket from private companies. Especially companies who donate over £2 million a year to the political party that individual represents. Don’t you agree that there is a whiff of corruption about it?

JCB we are told, are a flagship British company, something for us to be proud of. However, you only have to trawl through google to pick out a plethora of tales about complex tax avoidance and tax free technology investment ending back in the bank accounts of directors.

If you can remember, a few years ago, leaked documents from Mossack Fonseca (the Panama Papers) named Anthony Bamford of a director of Casper Ltd a company based in the tax haven, The British Virgin Islands. This company was dissolved shortly before David Cameron made him a peer in 2013.

This may all be just a coincidence of course but I would like to hear your thoughts. That’s because from where I am sat, someone who has given the Conservative Party millions in donations and is linked to aggressive tax avoidance, has been made a peer by that party. And they say the EU is corrupt?

I was going to go on to ask questions about Boris Johnson. However, to be honest, I really don’t know where to start with that lying Machiavellian bastard, Kit, I really don’t. I can’t begin to imagine how much money Boris has taken in backhanders and it still amazes me that he gets away with it by falling off his bike or getting stuck on a trapeze. Are you ashamed of him?

Between me and you Kit, there are some people who are such mad sycophants to Boris, you could barely believe it. He could break through their patio door, steal all their belongings, have sex with their wife and kill the family dog, and do you know what they would say?

“I like Boris, he looked funny on top of my wife and remember; at least he didn’t speak to Gerry Adams 20 years ago”.

It’s not about being legal Kit. As all of us small businesses prepare to pay our corporation tax next week (31^st) it hurts when we read that everyone from the chancellor to Jacob Rees Mogg, to the husband of the Prime Minister, are benefitting from aggressive tax avoidance.   

I look forward to your response Kit and I hope it isn’t simply, ‘This is all perfectly legal and at least we have never spoken to Hamas’.