Unfortunately, I have no response about my freight business plan from Kit Malthouse. Undeterred, I have another venture for him to consider.

Hi kit,

How are things?

I’ve double checked my email (and junk email) and I don’t appear to have had a response from you about my Swanage to Cherbourg freight venture?

I have come to the conclusion that your lack of response must be due to Seaborne Freight Ltd taking any remaining cash from the recent £105 million ‘No Deal’ ferry budget.

Initially, I felt disappointment, but like any good entrepreneur, I picked myself up off the floor and put my thinking cap back on. How could I make money from a ‘No Deal’ Brexit?

Then it came to me.

Balloons Kit…BALLOONS!!

Not the type you have at children’s parties but hot air balloons. I know someone who has a syndicate in a hot air balloon and he says that you can get across the channel in about an hour.

I say an hour, but it may be longer as good balloon travel is reliant on light winds, clear sky and low thermals. I am also told by my friend that dawn and dusk flights are best.

I fully understand that prevailing westerly winds and low pressure systems may stop any successful flights for several weeks, but let’s not worry about that sort of thing right now, Kit. Let’s concentrate on the positives.

One of those positives is that my new company, BREXALOONS UK (2019) LTD, is 100% BRITISH. It will be registered in the UK (and Panama for admin reasons) and I am a UK Citizen. I don’t have much money but as with the case with Seaborne Freight Ltd, that shouldn’t be seen as a negative.

Initially, I think that I will need about 20 balloons and they come in at around £20k each. To save you time, I have done the maths as part of my structured business plan. Basic calculations demonstrate I will need around £14 million to get this venture off the ground (if you will excuse the pun).

My friend reckons that with two people on board, you could get around 8 cases of insulin that is not manufactured in the UK, in the basket. This could be picked up from random fields (depending on wind speeds) by UK logistic companies. They can then distribute to pharmacists across the land.

Believe me Kit; lives will be saved by BREXALOONS UK (2019) LTD!

I have already emailed and phoned EU insulin manufacturers’ Lilly, Sanofi and Novo Nordisk for their thoughts on my business plan and how to form future partnerships. I am still awaiting their response as they seem busy every time I call, but I am confident it will be a positive response. Why wouldn’t it be?

So hopefully Kit, you will see this Andover based venture as a positive boost to the local economy. Not only a boost to the economy but a life saving venture in our golden new era. An era when we will be free from meddling Europrats, Kit…FREE!

BRALLOONS UK (2019)LTD is the future for insulin users Kit and I can guarantee you that this BRITISH start-up will deliver. It will be the flagship of a post-Brexit Britain, and an example of BRITISH ingenuity worthy of the £14 million investment.

Once again Kit, because of my generous nature, I am allowing you to directly contact Chris Grayling with my offer. With your name associated to this post Brexit success story, I am certain you could be fast tracked onto the front bench. You might even be Transport Secretary yourself one day!

On the assumption that Mr Grayling releases the finances, please make all cheques payable to R W Lethaby or send a BACS transfer to BREXLOONS (Panama Office) 2019 LTD.

*Our T&C’s will be available very soon; I am due to pick them up when I next visit Keskins Kebab Shop in Andover town centre.