I have decided that in light of Seaborne Freight Services deal that Chris Grayling says is very good, I would write to my local MP in Andover, Kit Malthouse.

Here is my letter:

Hi Kit,

In the light of a possible ‘No Deal’ Brexit in March, I have been considering starting up a Ferry business to lighten the load on transport services that are likely to get gridlocked due to issues with border control and tariffs.

I haven’t got much money for this venture and I have not got any ferries or other assets either, however, I have used both Brittany and P&O Ferries when I travelled to France on Eurocamp holidays.

I quite liked ferries back then and I am sure this will hold me in good stead when starting this business enterprise, with I hope, your recommendation to our excellent Transport Secretary, Chris Grayling MP.

It is my intention for this service to operate from Swanage Pier to Cherbourg, which, if my detailed business plan is correct (Google Maps) is 103 miles and approximately 6 hours journey time.

I have been in contact with Swanage Town Council to ask for £2 million to be placed in an account I have set up in The Cayman Islands but typically of these councils, they claim they have been starved by Tory austerity. Strange how they can afford Rich Tea biscuits for their office staff, but they don’t want to invest in vital post-Brexit infrastructure.

With that in mind, I would like to request funding to the tune of £13.8 million to get this venture off the ground. I would also like you to gain some credit for this forward thinking, Andover based venture, by asking Mr Grayling for the funding personally.

With regards to payment, I can do cash, cheque or an invoice ‘for services rendered’ from my Bermuda Company, ‘Not a Ferry in Sight (2019) Ltd’.

I am sure you will see this is an excellent opportunity to demonstrate that the Conservative Party backs ‘start up’ businesses in the region and that the funds will soon be available.

Best regards and Rule Britannia

Bob Lethaby