I have found a great new idea for those of you who like to read my posts but sometimes don’t have the time. Microsoft word now reads it out for me, so I can just upload it and post here so you can just hear it.

It’s worth it, even if it is just for the swear words. The full written article is below.

If Theresa May was really trying to do the best for the nation, she would stand up in parliament and say, ‘I have tried my best folks, but it is obvious there is no good deal, we have to stay in, at least for now’.

Instead she keeps coming back from Europe like a mother who promised her kid a new Manchester United kit but the club superstore had ran out of shorts, so she got him some Liverpool ones instead.

‘Go on son, put them on and go and show your mates…see what they think?’

There are three Brexit scenarios.

1/ No Deal: Economic chaos across Europe

2/ May’s Fudged Deal: Slightly less economic chaos, adhering to EU rules without a veto or place at the negotiating table.

3/ 2nd Referendum: Risk of civil unrest from nostalgia merchants, pub bullshitters and ageing football supporters who scream abuse at black players, backed up by internal strife from proven global capitalism disaster opportunists who have somehow been allowed to become members of parliament.

The risk of a second referendum is that there is something unpalatable about it and from what I have seen, swathes of Brexit voters have doubled down in a kind of General Melchett way, when he said, “If nothing else works, a total pig-headed unwillingness to look facts in the face will see us through.”

If you look on social media, it is full of people who would not change their Brexit vote for anything. Even if they were told they were faced with a daily kick in the bollocks from a hobnailed boot after finishing a dinner featuring pork luncheon meat filled with maggots, they would still scream, “WE GOT OUR FACKIN’ COUNTRY BACK!!”

They would ascertain that the maggots were worth it and the pain of being bludgeoned in the bollocks from a hobnail boot would eventually lessen. This is because typical of snowflakes, Remainers failed to mention that a hobnail boot will eventually wear out.

Meanwhile, all that Jeremy Corbyn can come up with, is, “The Prime Minister obviously can’t do a good deal with the EU, so why doesn’t she just stand aside and let the Labour Party carry on the negotiations?”

He says this as if though Theresa May is going to pop out of Number 10 (where she looks increasingly like an exhausted cuckoo coming out of a fucked clock) walk up to the media and say ‘Fuck it, I’m going to let Jeremy Corbyn have a pop at this EU lark, because as he says, I am clearly fucking useless!”

Thinking about it, it would be a masterstroke, because Corbyn would be suddenly thrown into a situation where he had to find a good deal from the EU when there isn’t one.

He would be a bit like a hapless father who promised his son a new Tottenham kit before arriving home with some red and white socks with  gaffer tape covering up the Arsenal cannon.

Because you see, there is no good deal.