For satirists and political writers, it must be difficult to keep up with the way everything is changing in the world on almost a daily basis. As one article is completed, it is old news; it must be very frustrating.

This week, we have had Saudi Arabia stopping just short of undertaking the popular football terrace chant and singing ‘We do what we want, we do what we want, we’re Saudi Arabia, we do what we want’, whilst Brexit becomes more ridiculous by the minute as pennies start dropping, coffee is smelt, and ordinary people start to realise there is no golden horizon.

All there is left is a Dickensian weirdo with mysterious financial interests and a fat, lying, adulterous bastard, who would set fire to his own kids if it meant a chance to pretend he is Churchill.

Political correspondent, Robert Peston, confirmed this week what I and many others have been thinking for a while. There are two Brexit’s on the table, nothing more nothing less.

1/we stay in the customs union.

2/we leave Europe without a deal.

The rest of it is a load of old bollocks. 27 countries are not going to agree to free tariffs, special borders in Ireland, handpicked trade deals and a UK ban on freedom of movement. It’s not going to happen.

The simplest way of assessing our plight is to imagine a situation where we are a reasonably content and competent EU member and France has decided that they want to leave the union.

However, as part of their exit strategy, France want free trade, no tariffs on goods, their own freedom of movement policy and removal from paying into the union and any other structures they don’t like very much.

My my minds eye can’t stretch far enough to imagine what the headline in ‘The Sun’ would be. Probably something like “BEYOND THE CROAK: YOU FROGS CAN DO ONE, MACRON!”

There is no way 27 EU members are going to allow a cake and eat it Brexit, so we might as well forget all this nonsense about extensions and delays because it won’t change the deadlock that dear old Theresa May, held together by 15^th century religious nutjobs, is stuck in.

The only way anything will change is if Theresa May says we are staying in the customs union and her party members will have to lump it. It’s a gamble, but she is toast anyway. She might as well do what she actually wants to do, rather than being dictated to by a load of right wing lunatics representing their offshore paymasters, Murdoch, The Barclays, Desmond and the Rothermeres.

If she fails to do that, a ‘No Deal’ Brexit will get voted down in parliament and she will be gone anyway. At a guess, this will lead to a general election and then fuck knows what? I am guessing a Labour government with an agreement to stay in the custom union or, dare I say it, another referendum with all the cards laid on the table with regards to the impact of crashing out of a colossal free trade bloc.

All these right wing clowns are fuming about a second a referendum and I can only assume this is because they don’t like the truth coming out and reversing a decision that for many was made on impulse, without digesting the consequences. Whatever anyone says, there is a racist element to this because the right wing rejection of the customs union is based on freedom of movement between the member states. You can’t get much more racist than that.

For many Brexiteers, their issue is that eastern Europeans in particular, are sponging of our public services and abusing in particular, the angel of our country, the National Health Service (Nigel Farage said so, so it must be true). I have two arguments to counter this.

Firstly, if anyone from the 27 member states is not financially stable through work, savings, or a pension, they can, after three months, be ordered back home by simply using EU legislation on free movement.

Secondly, even the most ardent Brexiteers must now realise that the NHS will not be receiving £350 million a week. However, it gets worse than that. If Britain leaves the EU without a deal in place, the NHS will be under threat like it has never been since it was brought to us by Nye Bevan in the 1950’s.

The Hard Brexit champions of deregulation, who believe that every public service has a price, will be laying out the cutlery, polishing their glasses, and pulling out the cork. It will be time for them to feast.

£350 million a week? You’re having laugh!

Anyway, have a good weekend and if you are at a loose end, watch ‘A Dangerous Dynasty’ on BBC2 iPlayer. Assad must be the first person in history to have ‘London Eye Surgeon’ and ‘Mass Murderer’ on his CV.

Cheers.