How refreshing it has been to see that Boris Johnson has emerged as a man of honour and decency in the Conservative party as others around him are reeling amongst a series of sex scandals.

What the U.K. needs as we spiral towards a ‘Shit Deal’ Brexit, is decent people who have been firmly in the ‘Leave’ camp…people like Johnson, Liam Fox and Andrea Loathsome, who was so distressed at her treatment by Michael Fallon (who got resigned last week) she felt she had to announce it this weekend.

Remain voters like Fallon and Damian Green, who allegedly looked at a porn site in 2008, need to be purged so an evangelical nationalist coup can take place with the admirable and honourable Boris Johnson leading us on the path to righteousness with his very own BRITISH law book of workers and civil rights.

What next with these sick remainers? A hideous revelation that Phillip Hammond bought a copy of Mayfair in 1972?

Thankfully, Boris rises above such preposterous behaviour, with all his mistresses and aborted babies being entirely consenting affairs where his common decency towards his wife, secretaries and others, was handled efficiently and within the laws of this great nation.

When we have purged all those who have had a toss over a bit of internet porn, Boris will be free to tour the nation as a new Brexit leader, falling off his bike or getting stuck on a trapeze as the Brexiteers in decaying former industrial towns laugh with joy outside the food banks and boarded up social clubs.

“We’ve got our country back!” they will cry as they wave union jacks and feast on a free bowl of chlorinated chicken imported from an American nuclear plant.

“Come on you mugwumps, who can win the race to bottom” Boris will shout as he fires the starter gun to sound of screaming adulation.

With Boris, Britain will be free at last from those bloody Europrats, with the only people who want to ruin it all, being the bloody Polish and Bulgarians.

Throw ’em out and bring back our blue passports, we are soon to be great again!

NEXT WEEK: Celebrity Brexit Chef, Liam Fox, flys in to a forgotten town by private jet to show some grateful peasants how to make rat stew.