I doubt very much that the Queen of England knew what her financial team were doing with the £10 million they stuck in offshore accounts to avoid tax. I can’t imagine that she turned to Prince Philip and said, “Phillip, one has found ten million pounds under the mattress and one is wondering how one can avoid being taxed on it?”

When you think about it, the Queen probably doesn’t even know what money is as she never uses it. She never goes to the cashpoint or spends the final few days of the month nervously going on to her online account to see if she on the verge of going overdrawn.

She never splashes out on a new dress as treat or takes the grandchildren to the cinema, although judging by the price of a packet of wine gums in Vue Cinemas, she is one of the few people who can afford them.

The Queen’s concept of money is totally alien to ours, so whilst I never have, or never will be subservient to the oddballs that make up this bizarre monarchy of ours, the disdain I feel for the Queen is far less than I feel for Lewis Hamilton or the cast of ‘Mrs Brown’s Boys’. 

Not content with insulting me with their spectacularly shit comedy, they (Mrs Brown’s Boys) have taken it a step further by signing up to a complex offshore loan system to avoid paying tax. The difference between Lewis Hamilton, Mrs Brown’s Boys and the Queen, is that they knew exactly what they were doing when avoiding paying UK taxes, whilst she probably doesn’t even know what day of the week it is, let alone the tax avoidance system.

The difference between the UK and the rest of civilised Europe, is that in Britain, due at least in part to buying into the American greed system, avoiding paying tax is seen as some sort of clever badge of honour. In contrast, elsewhere on the continent we are divorcing ourselves from, it is seen as a shameful act of disloyalty and is aggressively punished with stiff penalties and custodial sentences.

Tax is collected by HMRC on behalf of the government. It’s used to help provide funding for public services such as the NHS, education and the welfare system, as well as investment in public projects, such as roads, rail and housing. So when you see the deductions in your wages or the corporation tax you pay on the 31st January each year, you do so in the knowledge you are reinvesting in your country.

Greedy fuckers don’t think like that. Not content with having enough money to buy yachts and private jets, they feel that they should be beyond reinvesting in the country that has made them rich. The EU doesn’t like this kind of behaviour and are introducing systems to call time on aggressive tax avoidance.

People like Aaron Banks, Rupert Murdoch, Paul Dacre, Richard Desmond and several right wing Conservative Party back benchers with their pockets lined by these folk, don’t like the EU either. They wear their poppies and claim to be patriots but they are anything but.

I will allow you a minute to dwell on this.

Okay, your minute is up. Have you smelt a rat yet? Have you woken up, walked into the kitchen and smelt the coffee? If you haven’t, you are either mentally disabled or in a state of utter delusion to what is going on underneath the noses of every law abiding tax payer in this nation.

I will explain it one more time. These billionaires are scared of the EU and they are scared of regulation that will make them pay tax in the land they have earnt it and worse still (for them) the possibility they may have to pay a fortune back to to the state in lost revenue.

They are not patriotic, they are thieves. They do not give a flying toss about anything other than staying ‘legally’ out of the reach of the rules that every normal British citizen has to adhere to with every pay packet they earn and every tax return they fill out.

As for the Queen, I suppose she should be allowed the opportunity to redeem herself because if she didn’t know her advisors were avoiding tax on her cash she certainly does now.

She can do this by saying “One didn’t have a clue what these dodgy fuckers were up to, so one will pay back the cash and use any other freed up money to refurbish ones house”.

I’d take that. For me, it would be a satisfactory answer from someone who has so much money she doesn’t even know what it is apart from a miniature portrait of oneself. Don’t bank on it though, Prince Charles’s mob, the Duchy of Cornwall, have been up to no good for decades.

In a week when fascist leaning tax avoidance newsgroups are looking out for who to demonise for not wearing a poppy, as well as remembering the fallen, it is also worth remembering what other nations in Europe see as the ultimate show of patriotism.

And that is reinvesting in your nation by paying tax, not by wearing a poppy whilst sticking your stash in the Caymen Islands.

Next Week: The Daily Mail investigation into Polish immigrants infected with rabies.