Team GB are in pole position to take gold at the Olympic ‘Hide and Seek’ event after a record breaking seven hour semi-final hide by Hubert Horatio-Smythe from Eton.

Hubert completed his marathon stint by hiding out in the private lounge of a Rio lap dancing bar from 7:00 PM to 2:00 AM before being discovered by his exhausted Russian opponent, Yuri Bolokov.

Bolokov failed to respond with any real substance and was discovered by Hubert within an hour, selling a gun to a four-year old in the favela area of Rio that people like Seb Coe don’t like to talk about.

Describing his emphatic six-hour victory, Hubert, the British ‘One, Two, Three and In’ champion, revealed the secret to his success.

“When Bolokov found me in the ‘Bouncers’ private room, I noticed that whilst the ‘gun in my pocket’ was a metaphorical one, his was for real…I knew he would be selling it and my gut feeling was correct.”

Going for Gold: Hide and Seek Hero, Hubert Horatio-Smythe, in action last night

Hubert’s next opponent is Iraqi based Sunni insurgent Arfil Siq, who honed his skills during street to street armed combat in Baghdad, training that helped him beat American pin up boy, Donny J Redneck III, who was controversially disqualified after allegedly counting to 100 in less than 60 seconds.

Hubert revealed that he was amazed at the backing Siq has received in and around the bars of Rio.

“He has great support…when I was in the bar area late last night it was full of people wanting to be Siq, so you have to admire what he has done for the sport as a whole.”

As a way of thanking the staff of ‘Bouncers Bar’ Hubert has promised to visit them every night for the rest of the Olympic Games.

“It’s the ruddy well least I can do with my Lottery grant” said Hubert, frothing ever so slightly at the mouth.

Hide and Seek has now threatening Dressage as most ridiculous Olympic sport, with synchronised swimming a close third.