After the successful campaign to bring back passports, patriotic voice of Britain (based in an offshore tax haven) The Sun, has listed the next campaigns to be headed up by ‘Bwing Back the Old Days’ campaigner Barbara ‘Babs, Tits Out’ Windsor. 

In a maverick, patriotic return to the good old days of the 60’s, 70’s and 80’s The Sun have targeted the return of the following;

• Spangles
• The Black and White Minstrels
• Policemen who can clip you round the ear
• Back doors left open
• Corporal punishment and eradication of CRB checks
• Kids who played outside from dawn to dusk
• Kill an Argie, Win a Metro
• The Birmingham Six
• The Ford Cortina
• Gentlemen gangsters who shake your hand before slitting your throat
• DJ’s and TV presenters who like a bit of slap and tickle
• The Falklands War
• Legs 11

Babs, the subject of covert 1970’s middle-aged masturbation as well as playing Peggy Mitchell in Eastenders, is a long time campaigner to bring back the days when gangsters only killed their own and black people liked being called called golliwogs.

“Bwitain has lost it’s sense of fun…when I was young it was always sunny, you could leave your back door open, call a spade a spade and get your tits groped by DLT” said Babs, sporting her new Armani rose tinted spectacles.

Let it Burn: One of Britain’s finest actresses, Babs Windsor

The Sun is also thought to be in ambitious talks with Russia in a bit to start a new Cold War but negotiations have been delayed until the Syrian conflict is resolved in 2050, around about the time of the Hinkley Power Station completion and the opening of The Sun sponsored Channel Wall.

Future PM, Rupert Murdoch, says the wall will be paid for by French Muslims.