Wow, the last week has been a tough one to digest, commencing with major NASA news indicating the possibility of alien life on Mars, followed by the threat of the world ending on October 7th, and finishing with David Cameron thinking he is Josef Goebbels.

I don’t know whether it is just me but these NASA findings on Mars never cease to disappoint me. I am sure it is all pretty exciting stuff to the scientists but I need more excitement than the possibility that there may have been tadpoles in existence on the red planet about a billion years ago.

I’m ambitious, I want exciting animals and stuff, especially when I hear that the likelihood of our universe NOT to feature any life whatsoever would be the equivalent of winning the lottery every week for several months.

I decided to study this theory by attempting to understand the size of the universe via several videos on YouTube, but I had to stop after 20 minutes through fear of ending up in a padded cell until I meet my maker.

I’m no Stephen Hawking but to explain it in a simplistic way, place a tennis ball next to a ping pong ball and imagine the ping pong ball is the universe and the tennis ball is Jose Mourinho’s ego. Yes, the universe really is that big!

Quite Big: The Universe Yesterday

On Tuesday, it was with mixed feelings when I discovered that my naive studies into the universe and beyond would be irrelevant, at least according to a certain Chris McCann of the on-line Christian broadcaster, The eBible Fellowship.

“According to what the Bible is presenting it does appear that 7th October will be the day that God has spoken of: in which, the world will pass away,” said Chris. “It’ll be gone forever. Annihilated,” he added cheerily.

There were some crumbs of comfort from Chris’s kind words, as not only would it save me the hassle of putting the bins out, it also meant that any fears I harboured about a Thursday appointment with my new dentist in Andover were now eradicated.

My list of former dentists include a murderer, a manic depressive and an NHS fraudster, so being sedated and anally raped by the latest surgeon was a genuine fear and one I could well do without, as I am sure you will understand.

Anyway, midnight came and went, but considering The eBible Fellowship are American, there was still hope, as many U.S. states are up to 8 hours behind the UK. With that in mind, I went to bed with my confidence still relatively high despite some lingering doubts about the authenticity of Chris McCann.

When I woke on Thursday, I must admit to having mixed emotions. On the one hand I would see my girlfriend and my sons again but on the other, I had missed the bin men and I was running out of excuses to avoid enhancing my unenviable track record with psychotic dentists.

As it turned out, the dentist wasn’t so bad, a nice lady, who was temporarily alarmed by my health check questionnaire which, suffering with pre-dental nerves, I had inadvertently ticked all the ‘YES’ boxes which basically confirmed that I had angina, arthritis, hepatitis and HIV and I was treating these conditions with HRT, the contraceptive pill and steroids.

To make matters worse, I was pregnant, although there was nothing to confirm I was dyslexic.

It was only when I got home and managed to read the newspaper that I saw the content of David Cameron’s conference speech that was based during its critical points, around scaring the nation witless, creating fear of foreign invasion and global terror as well as smearing his opposite number with sound-bites from The Daily Mail.

A British politician since 1984 (without one false expense claim) Corbyn was described as “Security-threatening, terrorist-sympathising, Britain-hating” as well as being “a man who saw the death of Osama Bin Laden as a tragedy”. Forget the bit about Corbyn saying Bin Laden’s death was a tragedy because he didn’t face trial for war crimes, that doesn’t count when you have a character to stain.

Do the British people really still fall for Josef Goebbels 1930’s fear tactics? Cameron even had the word ‘Security’ on the conference strap line behind him, this despite the world becoming a thousand times less secure since the ironically titled ‘War on Terror.’

Maybe Chris McCann of eBible was right…the world did end on October 7th and I am writing this from a parallel universe?