For a forty something bloke who likes nothing better than to vent his spleen with the written word, this week has been an utter classic of our time.

Not content with championing a man dismissed by the BBC for a sustained verbal and physical assault on a junior employee, we then had people on the Radio discussing counselling for children who found the departure of a kid from a pop band just too traumatic to take.

I don’t know what kids in Syria with their limbs blown off think about the First World hell these teenagers are going through?

Perhaps it would be helpful if they crawled from the remains of their obliterated homes and organised a One Direction Relief Day to help our children for once, rather than us sending our money to them bloody foreigners all the bloody time!

Then, just when I could take no more, I witnessed the most surreal thing that I think I have ever seen…thousands of people lining the streets of Leicester to chuck flowers at someone (allegedly Richard III) who has been dead for 500 years…you really couldn’t make this nonsense up.

Richard III: Wife Beater and a Murderer with a £2.5 million Send Off

Lest we forget that he killed children and battered his wife, this man was royalty (we think) so he got a send off that cost the tax pay £2.5 million and a ceremony attended by the Archbishop of Canterbury, the Duke and Duchess of Gloucester with the Countess of Wessex no less, as next of kin.

It was really heart-warming to hear his 10,000th cousin removed, the aristocrat actor, Benedict Cunterbach, did a reading that really had me choking back the vomit…sorry, sorry, I mean tears.

The bishop proudly announced that “Today we come to give this king and these mortal remains the dignity and honour denied to them in death.” Someone help me quick, I need to get out of this place before it descends into utter subservient chaos that will be beyond the realms of reality.

If thousands of nut jobs line the streets for someone who was previously only known as Cockney rhyming slang for having a turd, what on earth is going to happen when the Queen croaks it? Will there be subservient masses screeching in hysteria and tossing roses on to a hearse before sobbing on the shoulder of the BBC Correspondent Jenny Bond as Elton John sings wistfully in the background?

When the inevitable happens, I am off on a self-catering trip to teach Amazonian kids to play cricket…they will be beating England within a year but it will be worth it to escape from the outbreak of hysteria. I’d rather endure an outbreak of Ebola.

For me at least, there is at least some good news buried under the flowers that have been tossed on to the utter hypocrisy of Royal history, and that is the fact that at last, the letters that Bonnie Prince Charlie sent to various MP’s, are to be allowed for public viewing after a desperate ten year court battle to keep them a secret.

It’s not just footballers and pop stars that take out super-injunctions you know!

Of course, if Charlie had nothing to hide he wouldn’t care, but the allegation is that as a monarch who is supposed to be politically neutral in a democracy, he has been meddling in politics, pressurising and lobbying MP’s of various parties for self-serving purposes…ooh dear Charlie, you are a naughty boy!

It is well known that many MPs got pretty fed-up of his constant harassment, although some people within the establishment are very unhappy at the ruling wouldn’t you know, David Cameron in particular. I wonder why that would be?

Prince Charles is loaded, I mean seriously loaded (check out the tax dodging Duchy of Cornwall) so why he has allegedly had to lobby or perhaps even threaten MP’s is beyond me, but hopefully these letters will enlighten us to the activities within the establishment that could descend into a scandal worthy of the ten year wait.

I really hope so…right, I’m off for a Richard.