I have been following the Chris Huhne scandal with great interest as it features all the ingredients for a great read; comedy, tragedy, bitterness and revenge. How the relationship between Huhne and his ex-wife got into such a farcical state is a big lesson for all separating couples to learn from.

Most of you don’t need reminding that Huhne got his wife to take the rap for a speeding offence to save him the professional inconvenience and humiliation it would cause him; how it got to the point that they both ended up in the clink for eight months is one of the greatest examples of ‘Hell hath no fury for a woman scorned’ in modern times.

Anyone who is married or indeed has been married, knows how it works; it is a partnership where you bail each other out (excuse the pun) in a crisis, particularly if that crisis carries the consequence of damaging or ending a career. There will be couples the length and breadth of the country who have committed similar ‘crimes’ more often than not for financial reasons. If it is the difference between paying the mortgage and being homeless, the choice is an obvious one.

Criminal or victim? Huhne

Of course, during the time Huhne convinced his wife to take the rap for him, one expects that all was reasonably rosy in their comfortable lifestyle; a former career in the banking industry had allowed them the luxury of eight properties spanning from London to Oxford to his constituency in Eastleigh. Apparently though, two thirds of the value of those properties were handed to Pryce as part of the divorce settlement, so I am really begging for the answer to how she would benefit from getting him charged for perverting the course of justice. It wasn’t like he ripped her off.

Quite where Pryce was getting her advice from is beyond me; she is by profession, a highly regarded economist so she is obviously not stupid. However, for some reason, she chose make it public that Huhne had broken the law and she gambled with the notion that she was entirely innocent because she could allege she been a victim of ‘marital coercion’ which in laymen’s terms, is intimidation. Stupid, stupid, cow. I can understand the resentment of a partner having an affair, but dragging a whole family through the mud and back was about as selfish as it gets. Why didn’t she just burn all his designer suits and move on?

As we know, the result of this debacle is that two otherwise law-abiding people are in prison with careers in tatters and children who are split between who they love and hate, though Huhne seems to be getting the brunt of it, presumably because he was the one who had the affair; it has to be said that without that, none of this would have happened. It hasn’t helped that Pryce has made malicious allegations that he told her of his affair at half-time during a world cup game in 2010 and left her to ponder it as he concentrated on the second half. If it was the second half of the English battering at the hands of the Germans one could argue he got what he deserved.

The tabloid press, who have had a field day, have trumped up Huhne’s personal fortune to be estimated at ten million, but close friends have painted a different picture saying that after the split with Pryce his wealth is a more sobering one million at best. Take out of that £400k in court costs and a barrister weighing in at a cool £600.00 an hour and life seems even less rosy behind bars. However, the banking industry is always on the look out for disgraced former politicians and a book called something like ‘Huhne…Home Soon’ about his fight to re-build his life, will be a best seller. Jeffrey Archer has made so much money from shit books he wipes his arse with £50 notes so I guarantee that Huhne’s prison keyboard is tapping away as we speak.

I have little sympathy for Huhne, but less for her if I am honest, it was a brainless thing to do as an act of revenge and the ones I feel sorry for are their kids, it must be highly embarrassing for them innocently looking on. As for the affair, I wrongly assumed that Huhne had embarked on a mid-life crisis and was swanning around in soft top with a high class hooker, but no, it is actually his secretary, Carina Trimingham an odd looking thing, whom one must presume, charmed him with her intellect rather than her features; she is certainly no bombshell.

Beauty: Trimingham

I read in The Independent an article about Huhne’s fall from grace being a blow for progressive politics, but I have to say I don’t really know what that is if I am honest. The only time I have really heard that term used in a similar context was as a description of a type of music called ‘progressive rock’. In my opinion progressive rock was a self-indulgent pile of old wank, so maybe it’s best all round if Huhne stays behind bars. The article says that Nick Clegg could be regarded non-progressive whilst David Cameron is progressive. I always thought they were just a pair wankers.

Anyway, the lesson to learn if you are separating couple is this. Get yourself a couple of shovels, go to the bottom of your garden, dig a bloody great hole and bury your hatchets.

Life is too short to mess about. Especially when three points on a driving licence can result in a stretch in prison.