It appears that if there is one thing in this country the elite cannot control, it is the British weather, despite all the bad summers in recent years, I can’t remember the last forecast I saw in June where the outlook for Sunday and Monday is not only for driving rain, but also for temperatures of just ten centigrade. Lets not try to paint a pretty picture here, that is nothing short of disgusting and it hardly seems fair on people in villages up and down the country who are about to have their Jubilee parades pissed on from above. Something tells me that the most used word in the English dictionary this week-end will be stoical.

As someone who has general apathy towards the Royal family, you may think that I find all this rather funny, but actually, I don’t. People don’t queue up to laugh at me when the rain ruins my cricket every other weekend, so it would be a bit spiteful to laugh at them as they try to discover ways of making the whole jamboree work after weeks of meticulous planning. For their sake I hope from somewhere a miracle occurs and the dark clouds are replaced by blue skies, but looking out of my window right now, that seems unlikely, it is like November out there. Very depressing indeed.

I haven’t generally taken any notice of what is happening this weekend apart from the fact that there are two Bank holidays which is a bit of a blow if you are self-employed or indeed a small business. If you are lucky enough to have work, one day off is costly, two is harsh, Monday and Tuesday is going to cost me in the region of £400 and that does stick in the throat a bit, especially as it appears most of my time will be spent watching the rain whilst searching the horizon for brighter skies. Public sector workers take note, it might be difficult dealing with wage cuts, but at least you are getting two days off fully paid whether you are a fervent Royalist or a raging anarchist, or perhaps both.

I wondered this week, whether the Government could have gained some much needed popularity by stating that Tuesday was an unpaid public holiday, one where Royal watchers were legally entitled to take a days annual holiday or unpaid leave, whilst the rest of the work force who lacked any real interest, could go ahead with a normal working day. Nearly all contract workers would choose to work, they need the money and so, one suspects, does the economy. Thousands upon thousands of contract workers will not be spending money next weekend because they have just had to suffer an enforced three day week which is not fair on them and is not good economics in the middle of a recession that threatens to turn in to a depression.

Then I thought again, if people were allowed to do as they chose, there is a very good chance that the celebrations may be diluted to such an extent that we not only have a Government who doesn’t know how to tax a pasty or a static caravan, but a Government that can’t even throw a good old patriotic party for the Queen. That would be a source of international embarrassment like no other. The fact is, just like the Romans liked Chariot racing events to distract the masses, our Governments, whether they are left, right or centre, love a jubilee or a huge sporting event like the Olympics to create a smokescreen for their inadequacy. Corrupt bastard, Jeremy Hunt, will be celebrating the Jubilee more than anyone, the Leveson inquiry is yesterday’s news and for that he is eternally grateful.

So, nowhere in this blog will you find rabid hatred towards the Royals, as I haven’t any real reason to hate them, I don’t know them and they don’t know me and I assume that our paths will never cross as we tend to mix in different circles. I do find them a bit odd though, if, and this is in their own language, Kate Middleton is a commoner, what the Hell am I, the equivalent of the evacuated bowels of a Corgi? Their world must be a really bizarre one, some might say enviable, but with the amount of blood line interbreeding that has gone on amongst Royalty, there must be some seriously screwed up individuals knocking around. I suppose that is what makes it all so fascinating to so many people and I must say that Royal history is something that has attracted my interest more and more since I found out the pub name “The Kings Head” goes right back to when Oliver Cromwell (our most recent Republican) lopped of the head of King Charles.

I don’t know whether the Royals make the country money or not, Royalists say they bring us a fortune, Republicans say they cost us a fortune, it appears no one really knows, though it can’t be doubted that judging by my visit to the capital last week, the whole of Asia  seem to like wandering around Buckingham Palace as they try to work out how the fuck they have just paid five quid for an ice cream, so it must have some economic benefits, not least for Mr Whippy and the Franklyn Mint who design plates and cups that you wouldn’t give to your worst enemy, but many pensioners will go without heating for, just to be able to put one in their cabinet….if it ever turns up of course.

So whatever you do, whether you are, enjoy the distraction, get the umbrella’s out and pray for the clouds to blow away, if they don’t, amuse yourself by seeing how many times the word stoical is used this weekend! I am going to a party on Monday where I will keep quiet, help where I can, and just take it all in.

I am going to be what is known as a “Royal Observer.”