Broughton village hall hosted the joint birthdays of Brian and Vicky on Saturday night and the order of the evening was to dress up as someone from a particular decade, with Diane and I choosing the 1960’s. The fancy dress turn out must have been ninety nine per cent and some of the outfits were both fantastic and hilarious, it really was a great evening to remember. The guy doing the disco commented afterwards that he had never had such a full dance floor and I guess this is because when everyone already looks stupid, the inhibitions are lost. There is something liberating about trying out your best moves without being recognised, especially when you are as inept at  dancing as I am, the best comparison being that of a new born baby foal on a frozen lake.

Fancy dress fun: Me and Diane as 1960’s hippies

The subject of dressing up moves me nicely on to an article I read by David Randall in yesterday’s Independent on Sunday called a “A curious case of a lack of curiosity.”  The piece written by Randall looks in to the somewhat bizarre deaths surrounding up to seventeen individuals linked to GCHQ or MI6 with dressing up in ladies clothing, bondage and asphyxiation often being the cause of death. These include, Gareth Williams (zipped and padlocked in a North Face Holdall) Stephen Drinkwater (Plastic bag over head)  Stephen Milligan (Tied to a chair in stockings and suspenders with a satsuma stuffed in his mouth) Nicholas Husband (Plastic bag, nightie and bra) Kevin Allen (plastic bag and dust mask) and James Rusbridger ( found hung in green overalls, a black mackintosh, thick rubber gloves and wearing a gas mask.) I must admit I laughed as I read these, but if the organisation you worked for had a track record like that, you would have to be suspicious wouldn’t you?

“Anyone see Jones today?”

“No boss, the last time I saw him was in Anne Summers with a bag of satsumas.”

Milligan- Satsumas and Suspenders

Unless the GCHQ/MI6 job advertisements feature a piece saying “Although not essential, the ability carry out extreme sexual deviancy and self abuse would be a definite advantage” it’s all seems a bit strange does it not? Even more odd when you read words of Nicholas Anderson a former MI6 agent turned author. “I am on verbal record to my own family and close friends and select lawyers that if anything ever happened to me-a straight man and a positive thinker-it would be made to look like suicide or that I died dressed like a woman.” Anderson went on to say “When I read in the press about Gareth Williams, women’s clothes and a wig, it all fits the usual scenario.” Bloody Hell….that doesn’t make good reading, imagine what it must be like being a relative of someone who has had their character smeared in such an awful manner? Not very nice one suspects.

Of course, I am not in anyway qualified to say whether there are some dark arts at force here, it may be that the pressures of working in such a highly sensitive organisation drives people in to padlocking themselves in to a sports bag just to have a quick wank. However, it all does seem a bit extreme and it has to be said that there must be easier ways to “knock someone off” unless of course the MI6/GCHQ see the smearing of individuals as an ideal way to cover or deflect a murder case. Who knows? What is obvious is that beyond our average everyday boring and law abiding lives, where we go about our jobs and sexual activities in what we perceive to be a normal manner, there does seem to be bizarre, sinister and dark activities taking place and it is doubtful that Joe Public will ever find out what the real truth is behind them. Or maybe it is a fact that death defying sexual acts of depravity are more common place than we think………..I don’t suppose that asphyxiation in pair suspenders is something that someone would happily discuss with their mates down the pub or at a football match!

Right, where’s those satsumas, I’ve got some work to do in the airing cupboard……………