This is going to be a short post, nonetheless it is also going to be excellent as usual, as Bob Lethaby’s Blog is educational, informative and quite brilliantly thought provoking, challenging it’s readers to reach new levels of intelligence by thinking outside the box of conformity and reaching unprecedented boundaries of the thought process. Today ladies and gentlemen, I have been examining the “damp squib” a term used by many people as a description of something that fails to meet expectations…..”Hopes were high for this game, but ultimately it failed to ignite, turning in to a bit of damp squib.” Well readers, I will ask you this question now and I want an honest answer……..do you know what a Squib is? In fact, do you know what a damp squib is? Well, I am afraid to say, whether you like it or not, I am going to tell you.

My initial intrigue about this useless bit of information came from a weather report on Radio 5 this morning when the forecaster said that; “Sadly for many, bonfire night is going to be a damp squib“. Nicky Campbell then said to the forecaster “What a topical phrase, because a squib is actually a firework.” I didn’t know that………. it is phrase I have used thousands of times (I support Reading FC remember) yet for all that time I didn’t know what a Squib was, in fact, if I am entirely honest, I thought the term was actually Damp Squid, as in the octopus type thing you eat in seafood restaurants. Quite why I assumed a damp bit of seafood resembled an anti-climax I just don’t know, we say so many things without knowing their true meaning. Well I do anyway.

Pictured above is a box of (presumably dry) squibs so you now know what they look like. Over the years they have been used as detonators in coal mines, for military exercises, theatrical purposes, firework (tomorrow night) displays, attachments to tails of domestic pets and in extreme cases, sticking up the anus of a friend in a teenage prank (see YouTube). It would seem that the downside of the squib is that if it gets damp it rarely explodes, causing general disappointment and a feeling of anti-climax to those involved, a bit like an unfulfilled sexual experience, not that I have ever had one of course, I tend go off too early if anything!

So there you have it, if like me, you are off to see a fireworks display tomorrow and the awful forecast comes to fruition, ruining the whole event in the process, at least you will be able to entertain the disappointed audience by telling  them that they have been lucky enough to witness a genuine damp squib. This piece of information will win you numerous new friends and universal popularity as everyone trudges back through the mud clasping on to a wet sausage dog for warmth……..they will marvel at the encyclopedic knowledge that I have given you, forever grateful that you have enhanced their Saturday evening. If you receive a punch in the face, inform the aggressor of their ignorance and request a spelling competition as way to solve the disagreement.

Bob Lethaby’s Blog: Useless Information at Your Fingertips