My dear old friend Stewart, who specialises in the type of dry pessimism that has helped mould me in to the man I am today, sent me this weather article this afternoon. If you are a lover of sunny weather may I suggest that you turn off your computers now;

“The middle part of summer may be characterised by shifting fortunes? Just when you think we’ve got it cracked it’ll may turn on us, with some pleasantly warm conditions being replaced by rather unsettled and cool weather, perhaps what many of us would consider as ‘ a normal British summer’.

The recent fine and settled weather looks set to be replaced by cooler and fresher, showery conditions with some welcome rainfall for the areas that so desperately require it, whilst others remain once again largely dry. Summer looks set to return to all areas as the month draws to a close, high pressure responsible for at least a week of locally very warm to hot weather across the bulk of the UK, this eventually seeping away as cooler conditions filter in from the north or northeast, this heralding a decline in fortunes for all areas.

The middle of July, on this pattern at least, I have to say doesn’t look too summery at all, in fact a rather cool and distinctly unsettled spell is indicated, not what I would term as ‘bucket and spade’, more ‘brolly and Mac’, for once I hope the forecast proves to be wrong?”

Not really what I wanted to read, but something I have suspected as the last few weeks have drifted by. On Friday it will be the 10th June, the predicted day time high is 13 centigrade, the equivalent of a chilly winters day in South Africa or Australia. In fact if you click on the BBC five day forecast for Sydney it is a replica of our weather this week, a tad warmer in fact. To put this in perspective when it was -5c here in December, it was +35c in Sydney. I don’t mind cold winters, but I detest cold summers, I really hope the chap above is wrong and is just suffering from what is known “Stewart Withey Negative Mindset Syndrome.”

This illness is a default setting that predicts the worst, whilst secretly hoping for the best. If you train your brain that it will piss down for the rest of the summer or that Reading FC will be playing Basingstoke Town in five years time, anything else of course, is a bonus. Stewart is the only person I know who is capable of predicting a defeat against Portsmouth whilst 2-0 up and playing against ten men whilst the referee is checking his watch is the 92nd minute of play. If you ever do watch a game of football with him, don’t expect a glass half empty attitude, expect it as bone fucking dry as an overcooked turkey. However, perverse as it may sound, I missed him at Wembley last week as he had wisely decided to go to Portugal ahead of another heroic catastrophe for the Royals. Not many people care for their local team like Stewart does and it is nice to have the company of another incoherent metal case in times of deep stress at football matches, it make you realise you are not alone.

I really hope the weather doesn’t mess this weekend up, George has now earned himself a regular starting place in the Oakley Mens team on Saturday’s and I have, with great effort, manged to galvanise a cricket team of my own to play at Broughton on Sunday against a team that has been put together with equal effort by my friend Tony Lydeard who lives down that way. Tony and I have spent the evening sparring with each other about the various qualities of our players without actually giving much away. This is because we both want a really good fun day, but privately we would both like to win. No man who gets a team together does it with the intention to get beaten, be it by friend or by foe. I am honest enough to admit that it really wouldn’t be nearly as much fun if there wasn’t a bit of sledging and a friendly edge to the game as I really can’t stand those games where someone is out first ball and given another chance, unless it is a nine year old or me of course, that’s different. This is not rounders this is cricket.

Our team is a mixed bunch really, we have a couple of very good young Colts players, plus the likes of Mark Tyler (Boiler) who bat’s like everyone else has to wait for him to be exactly (he scored 96 last year) Graham Mitchell our secret all rounder, Kevin Mitchell a good wickie and Matt Vickery a decent opening bowler who can also bat like a corpse with pads on whilst selling his children in preference for losing his wicket. Not out for 5 in 20 overs would be a success for Matt. Then we have the rest of us, that includes me showing all the grace of a new born baby foal, John and his slow non spinning non turning non googlies, Dave with his reverse quick ball and Paul who has not played cricket since Adam and the Ants last topped the pop charts.

However, last, but not least we have Paul, or Choofa as he is nicknamed. Choofa is an electrician who works for me, and furthermore he is an Aussie from Melbourne, home of the famous MCG and legends such as Shane Warne and Merv Hughes. Paul is very non committal about his cricketing ability, I know, like all Victorians that he loves the game, but he has said nothing to suggest he is any good at it. However, more importantly, he has never told me he is crap either!

Who knows what Sunday will bring, let’s just hope that for the sake of a good day out, it is not leaden skies and rain, that would be a real shame.

Watch this space!