I hit 43 today, which is in some eyes is pretty insignificant, but to me it is something of a milestone as I have now outlived my Grandad (my Mothers Father) who died of high blood pressure at 42, and I now stand 20 years behind my Mother who died of the same thing at 63. I have fluctuating blood pressure which is a combination of a hereditary condition and lifestyle, and it doesn’t take a doctor to tell me that when I am exercising, my pressure is near or normal, but if I smoke and drink it is high. I haven’t smoked since August and before that it had only been a sporadic divorce induced habit after six years of being “clean”. My blood pressure is lower now than what it was when I was 35 so I am aware of the maths. Exercise=Live Longer, beer and fags=death.

My Grandfather by all accounts, was a ferociously bad tempered Scotsman who drunk, smoked and suffered from ridiculously high blood pressure. Ironically his career was as a pharmacist so he should have known the signs, but he obviously ignored them right up to the day that his head exploded. My Mother hated him, and escaped to London at just 19 and stayed in a kind of refuge for young Scots women. Fortunately, unlike many, she did not inherit her Fathers violent instincts which included lashing his children with leather belts, but she did have an acid tongue and a feisty nature that when mixed with alcohol and the dreaded fags proved to be her eventual undoing as she regularly had blood pressure running 220-230 when it should be about 150.

I am trying to live a cleaner life by going to the Gym most days, but to be honest, there is no point in living too long. Nothing can be more miserable than dying in your own piss halfway through a Sudoku puzzle, that’s no reward for reaching a ripe old age.

How marvellous it is to see that Katherine (Not Kate anymore) and William have announced their engagement on my Birthday, it was a very nice present and has had a wonderful uplifting effect on the nation that has ended the recession at a stroke………….if you work for The Franklin Mint that is! Kate…..sorry Katherine, is undoubtedly a very attractive girl, and a bright one too, especially compared to William’s mother Diana who was a thick as shit, and in my opinion not attractive either. However when it was announced that William was marrying a “commoner” I temporarily got excited at the prospect he was marrying some big fat thing called Chantelle from a Basingstoke sink estate, now that really would have been fun, I would have watched it. Kate…..sorry Katherine has millionaire parents, she went to Marlborough College and then on to St Andrews University, if that is common, the other 95% of our population are the Corgi shit on the Queen’s shoes.

I listened to President Cameron interviewed yesterday, and he said that the entire nation would be lifted by this wonderful news and that he and his colleagues were banging the cabinet table in joy when they heard of the engagement. He went on……..and this is true, to say that he can remember sleeping on The Mall during the celebration of Charles and Diana’s wedding. Him and his Bullingdon mob really do think that they are men of the people and their feelings reflect those of the nation, it is staggeringly arrogant and ignorant, and that’s why I hate the Tories, they have no concept of reality, because they haven’t lived in it. To say the whole nation is celebrating is nonsensical, most people are more concerned about getting their next batch of monthly bills to worry or get excited about the lives of the elite.

How do I feel about the Royal Wedding? You will be surprised to hear that I am not as vitriolic as you may have expected. At least it isn’t as contrived as the Charles and Diana debacle, and she (Kate) in particular seems to have at least made the most of her enviable privileges rather than being a spoilt child. Quite why she would want to marry in to Royalty is any one’s guess. Instead of carving out what would have undoubtedly been a successful and prosperous career, she has is marrying a chap who looks increasingly like “Tim Nice But Dim” who comes, through no fault of his own, from an institution that without question, is living a bizarre existence. On top of that, the trash press and Royal security will make her life a misery, and in reality, they won’t let go until they have pushed what initially appears to be an loving relationship in to the divorce courts, or worse still, in to a wall at 120mph.

I don’t agree with Paul Heaton’s view that the Royal Family should be chopped up and fed to Japanese tourists, but I don’t get why they are such a national obsession when they have nothing in common with the majority of the population (apart from the Tory cabinet). The tax payer will foot the bill for this wedding and I dread to think the amount it will cost. I joked in a previous blog that we couldn’t afford the Queen to die because of the cost of a State Funeral, we can’t afford a Royal wedding either. Or is a Royal Wedding more important than low to middle income families losing child benefit…..David Cameron would say yes.

Why can’t they do it quietly at Basingstoke registry office, with a reception at the Labour Club, after all, she is a commoner!!