My hypocrisy knows no boundaries, I spout off on my blog page about how much I hate reality shows like the X Factor and it’s ego maniac host, then I sit glued to The Apprentice a reality TV show with an ego maniac host. If there was a band called The Hypocrites I would be the lead singer, I should be ashamed of myself really, my only is excuse is that in my opinion, I think Simon Cowell is a child abuser, whilst Alan (I am not going to call him Lord) Sugar is an adult abuser, and adults should be in a position to know better.What I like about The Apprentice is that it gives me strange but pleasurable feeling of wanting to kick a hole through my TV, something that I normally only experience whilst watching Hazel Blears or Kelvin Mackenzie (former Sun editor) on Question Time. The contestants on this programme are so vomit inducing that surely it has to be a big send up to get more people viewing because we are all addicted to hating someone, and seeing their humiliating fall from grace.

Already this year we have had the following sayings:

“JDI”(Just Fucking Do It)

“Everything I touch turns to sold”

“Most babies first word is Mummy, mine was money”

Please don’t tell me you associate with anyone who comes out with that sort of shit.

Like everything in life the climax is the best bit. I am told that in real big business circles Alan Sugar is allegedly not the “big hitter” the BBC makes him out to be, more of an opportunist who got lucky flogging satellite dishes as part of a monopoly he stitched up in the Premier League and Sky TV deal, but he is certainly good at acting the bastard, which suits me down to the ground, even if it is stage managed.

The hate figure at the moment is some jumped twat called Simon, who Sugar claims won’t last five more minutes with him. I really don’t think this will be the case, as The Apprentice needs an annoying little shit just like Snow White needs seven Dwarfs. Alan Sugar knows that, and the BBC know that, consequently this fucker will be annoying us for weeks to come before finally, to satisfy the lust of the nation, Sugar will slaughter him in a very public humiliation where he will call him an amateurish, arrogant, sanctimonious schmoozing pathetic little shmuck before saying “JUST GET OUT…………..YOU’RE FIRED!!!! He will then turn Karen Brady with a wry shake of his head and say “I dant bladdy know, I really dant…………….waste of bladdy time, I’m a Jew and I really dant give a toss”.

Yet despite all this, I am still going to watch it every week…………………………..just as long as my TV doesn’t have a size 8 boot put through it. The big question though is this, how can you fire someone you haven’t hired?……………….surely Sugar should say “Right that’s it I’ve ‘ad inaff of this……go on get out of my sight……………………YOU’RE NOT HIRED!!!

I don’t suppose that would sound so good.