I have just eaten four satsumas. “Why have you done this?” I hear you cry. Well, it’s because at Sainsburys, if you buy a bag of satsumas you get another one free, and I have had to force feed myself the last four before they go off, that way I am getting value for money you see.

I do this all the time, fruit juice is another, four for £3.00 meaning that my fridge is rammed with breakfast, orange, and banana juice that I keep forgetting to drink. Harry (my youngest son) likes banana juice, so instead of buying a carton of it I get four, it’s ridiculous behaviour. On Friday night I fancied a cold beer, so I popped to Sainsburys to buy a 4 pack of Cobra for £4.89…………..however it was three for £10.00 so I succumbed. I got home, drunk six instead of the planned four, and woke up on Saturday with a headache as a reward for my over indulgence.

It was worse at Easter, Hot Cross buns were 89p for 6, or £1.00 for 12. To a Hot Cross bun lover this was too much to take, and at one point my house contained more Hot Cross buns than Sainsburys itself, they were everywhere. I found myself having them for breakfast, morning tea, and lunch, and having to run 3 miles a day just to stay at my normal weight. I knew it had gone too far when I found myself sat at the kitchen with a hot cross bun in one hand and a bowl of chili in the other contemplating whether to use the bun to mop up the chili with. This was of course because I had made too much chili because 250g of mince was £2.95 or you could have 500g fo £5.00.

I always make the same mistakes when I plan to cook chili, a brief look in my cupboard has unveiled two bottles of Worcester sauce, three containers of cumin, multitudes of cinnamon sticks, too many tins of red kidney beans and chopped tomatoes to count, and enough garlic to blitz a nation of vampires. This is because whenever I decide to make a chilli, I never check to see what ingredients I already have, so I end covering my back on each trip by buying everything required except the things that I don’t have in stock, such as peppers. Every chili shopping trip results in a duplication of stock items and me getting halfway home before smacking my head with the palm of my hand and “AAARRRGH… I forgot the bloody red peppers.”

You have to laugh at yourself sometimes, and looking through my cupboard made me laugh out loud. What was the state of my mental health when I thought that buying three tins of Baxters Chicken Broth was a good idea? The clue is of course in the number of tins being three. At some point in mid winter I must have seen a sign saying ‘Baxters Chicken Broth 3 for 2’ and thought “Oooh that will warm me up on a cold winters day.” They will probably remain there alongside the Fennel Sseeds and the organic chutney until I either move, or I am forced to eat them as a last resort after a nuclear holocaust.

Better head off now, Sainsburys are doing a fantastic 3 for the price of 2 deal on Cherry Blossom Light Tan shoe polish……………………all I need to do now is buy some lightly tanned shoes!!!!